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So, a  friend was singing the praises of Costco today, nearly convincing me that my family of four could finish the 12 pounds of grapes and 15-pound brick of cheese I’d be forced to buy, before it turned to mold.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Costco. Everyone likes Costco. They have been servicing my family’s toilet paper needs for some time now. But in this new era of “cutting back” and “doing without,” I am told I must now do my food shopping there as well.

Keep in mind that included in my family of four are two people who eat four grapes at a sitting and maybe a sixteenth of an ounce of cheese a week. I know what would happen. My husband would try to beat the mold and finish the entire 27 pounds of grapes and cheese himself. This would not be a good thing for any of us.

Besides, I’m trying. The other day, I bought a can of water chestnuts on sale even though they were not my brand. I came home expecting congratulations until my husband pointed out that the six California rolls I picked up were a dollar each and not an especially economic purchase.  

I tried to convince him that it’s a huge savings compared to the sushi restaurant where a California roll costs $17 and where I no longer lunch. But he was not moved.

I think I’m still in denial, helped along temporarily by a protective, if not thin veil of severance, and made easier by a lifetime of foolish spending.

Like the shoes that I discovered upon getting home inflicted pain akin to childbirth and still sit untouched in my closet. Or that abdominal vibrating band thing I bought off an infomercial in a particularly weak, early-morning moment on a bad road trip.

Seriously, did I really think I could lose inches from vibrating the fat off? Apparently, I did.

I don’t drink designer coffee or tea. That should count for something. I rarely get my nails done anymore, even at the risk of poking my children’s eyes out in a tender moment. I never got facials or massages. Well, not very often.

One of the very first things I did after getting laid off and was still crying, was ask my husband if I could still get my hair colored if I cut back on my personal food intake.

He said I’d have to not eat for a month.

I’m still considering it. I’m just not ready for the do-it-yourself color in a box. I know it’s L’Oreal and I’m worth it and Sarah Jessica does it and all that – yeah, right. But I envision walking around with hands the color of sienna and hair the color of a carrot.

Of course, our parents knew how to do it. They bought houses they could afford and drove to Wisconsin for vacation and were helped along by not having to shell out a thousand bucks a year for us to play travel soccer.

I’m trying to remember what Suze Orman said when she drew up that big chart on Oprah and showed some couple how they could save like $60,000 a year just by cutting back on a few simple essentials.

I’m reasonably sure she never mentioned having to buy 15 pounds of cheese.